


Losing Peace

by Fangirlmoon



Series: Losing control [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fainting, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Passing Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 8,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29007873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlmoon/pseuds/Fangirlmoon
Summary: Spencer has a problem with fainting.__________________The different times were Spencer faints and how different team members handle it.
Series: Losing control [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2127735
Comments: 13
Kudos: 53





	1. Savannah

**Author's Note:**

> It helps reading the first part but if you don't you will also probably be fine. Or not. Maybe read the first part first. Yep definitely read the first part first.

It took a lot of good talking to to convince Reid to come living with Morgan,Savannah and Hank for a few days after being released from the hospital but eventually Spencer gave in and was now standing in the entrance of their home looking at the toys spread in the living room. "There you are." With a wide smile Savannah pulls him into a hug. 

"Thank you for doing this."

"Of course." She turns away but not without whispering. "Let's be honest I only wanted someone here who can take care of a baby."

"You definitely picked the wrong one." Spencer says feeling a steady hand on his back. "Would you mind if I take a shower? I am kind of grossed out by myself at this point."

"Of course,let me help you get your bag upstairs and I will show you the bathroom." Morgan showed Spencer the guestroom before leading him to a bathroom. "This will be Hank's later but you can use it for the next days."

"Thank you." They shared a moment of uncomfortable silence. 

"Maybe don't lock the door okay? Nobody uses this,nobody will accidentally come in but if you pass out nobody will get in if you have it looked."

"You always get a door to open." Reid says.

"I am being serious."

"I will not lock the door." He felt better after having a shower and coming back down into the kitchen were Hank was placed in his chair smiling wide at Spencer. "Hey Buddy."

"Spencer." Shocked Spencer looked at Morgan. 

"Yeah that's Spencer little one. And I think you made him speechless." 

"Spencer!" He stretches his arms out reaching for Spencer to pick him up.

"That's me." Insecure Spencer looks at him not following the kids wishes. 

"You can take him if you want." Morgan encourages him but Spencer shakes his head moving a little bit back again. "You don't have too." 

Savannah places the food on the table while listening to the conversation. She had closed Spencer deeply into her heart and was happy he would be there for a few days and that she had an opportunity to show him that he meant something to her. 

"I am sure you are hungry. I know the hospital stuff is terrible and I tried to sneak you in all the jello I could find." Savannah had used little breaks on her shifts to look after him and ask if everything was alright and just being there if he needed someone to talk. 

"Thank you for that by the way." 

"No problem at all." Savannah stayed till after dinner before leaving for her nightshift. Morgan had placed the toodler down to sleep before coming back down to Reid who was putting the dishes into the dishwasher. 

"You don't have to do that you are here to recover."

"I recovered in the hospital. I am fine doing some dishes."

"No you are not. You are shaking like leaf when you stand to long. You are holding yourself at the counter right now so I don't see that your knees are about to buckle." Morgan calls him out. "Let's sit you down for a second."

"I am not about to faint. I just feel a little bit weak on my legs in general."

"Then let's get you to the couch-"

"Can I go to sleep?" 

"Yeah, you can. Of course." Morgan insisted on coming with up the stairs but then said good night and left him in the room and the light in the corridor on. 

Spencer woke up in the middle of the night from Hanks crying but heard shortly after Morgans footstep so he left them to it. He only woke up again when he heard Savannah and Morgan talk in the kitchen in the morning,so he threw on some sweatpants and went downstairs. "Look who is awake." Morgan greeted him. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Yeah,I slept good how was your shift Savannah?"

"Boring because I couldn't sneak away to steal some Jello for my favorite patient."

"I am sure you could make some money with the Jello."

"I get why you call him a genius." She says jokingly to Morgan before announcing that she is about to fall asleep standing up and leaves for her well deserved rest. 

"What do you want for breakfast?"

"Whatever you have is fine."

"Toast?"

"Perfect." He sat down at the kitchen counter on one of the barstool taking one of Hanks toys and handing it to Hank and starting to play a little bit with him. Morgan watched them both from his place, taking in the sight. He had originally hoped they would have got the chance to spend some time together sooner, he hadn't planned Spencer to go to jail. 

They took the day slow. Spencer mostly napping on the couch till Savannah got up at noon which caused him to be uncomfortable doing that. She made him a tea, sat down next to him and they talked a little bit while Morgan was upstairs with Hank when Spencer fainted for a very short time. He didn't even really noticed it first till he realized that Savannah had changed her position and looked at him quizzing. "Did I-"

"Yeah but it wasn't even 20 seconds." She had taken the cup out of his hand and now places it back. "You can sleep if you feel exhausted you don't have to feel guilty. I was joking yesterday, you don't have to help with anything you can just stay here and let us spoil you."

"I just- I didn't even tell him I was in prison and we talked so less that he didn't even noticed and now- He is still- I don't know why he still is so kind to me."

"Because he loves you. He felt guilty about leaving you and he worried about you a lot but you know him and his ego. He wouldn't call and he knows now that that was wrong but don't think that all those time you two didn't talk he didn't think about you." 

"Mommy." Smiling her son came running towards the couch wanting to be picked up. Morgan sat down on the other couch behind Reid's back. The kid gets himself out of his mother's arms crawling to Reid who places his cup down and then looks stressed out at the boy.

"Nothing can happen. You are sitting down. I am sitting right behind you you won't let him fall down." Morgan encourages him, knowing Spencer's fear to drop him or hurt when he faints. 

"You don't know that I just fainted for 20 seconds and didn't even realize it." With a big smile the toddler grabs Reid's shirt and pulls himself into a standing position causing Spencer to hold him at his waist. "Hey" Hank didn't answer and instead went through Spencer's face with his hands,giggling when Spencer scrunched his nose. 

And suddenly Spencer felt the panic rush in. "Take him" He says firmly and Savannah does immediately and pulls him back to herself. "Take him. I can't hold him."

"Hey,hey,hey, it's alright. Everything is alright. Savannah has him nothing can happen." Morgan promises stepping around the couch and seating himself between Spencer who was sitting crossed leg facing him and Savannah. "Its okay,no need to panic."

"I don't know- I- I-"

"Breath, Spencer." It took Morgan wile to calm him down again while Savannah left the room giving them some space. "Did anything ever happen with Henry or Micheal?" Spencer shakes his head looking down at his lap. "Exactly. Because you are already carefully watching the signs but I know you are even more careful when you are holding a child."

"I am sorry."

"There is no reason for that. Come here." He pulled him into a hug, bringing them down to lay on the couch while Morgan plays with his hair. Savannah found them like this. Both of them asleep and she couldn't help but smile at that sight because eventhough Morgan didn't admit it she knew Morgan didn't close his eyes for a longer than two hours at ones since Reid had been admitted to the hospital.


	2. Matt

To say Matt was nervous about joining the team and also finding out Reid gets reinstated at the same time would be an understatement. The moment he saw him standing in the conference room his blood went cold. He didn't even know why. Rationally he knew what happened wasn't his fault but all he could think off was Garcias panicked face when he didn't wake up or the colour draining from Luke's face when he told him. They were all still so vulnerable when he had to pass the message along.Steve had just died, they only got Spencer back for a day and on top of that Emily had been kidnapped and most of them were hurt in a car accidents. 

"Can I take this?" He asked shyly when Spencer picks up his go-bag. 

"Oh no I am good but thank you. How is your wife doing? I am sure she is happy to have your around more." Reid starts a conversation as they walk to the elevator with the others. 

"She is and the kids even more."

"Four kid's must be hell lot of work. Morgan only got one and I was stressed out after only watching him taking care of Hank for a few days." 

"Remind him to not get more than one." JJ says. 

"He always wanted two." Spencer says. "I still think that's the goal for him."

"Doesn't he have already two?" Rossi asks looking at Reid who looked at him confused while the others got the joke. Matt could feel himself relax a little bit more around him and then it happened. They got out of the cars as they arrived at the precinct when Spencer hold onto his open door,holding his head for a moment. Quickly Emily had grabbed him before Matt got there helping him lay down. 

"Steady pulse. Everything is fine." Emily says while the others got out of the other SUV worryingly looking at Spencer. 

"I- I-"

"Yeah,go." Emily encourages Matt giving Rossi a signal to follow him. He followed him around the precinct were Spencer wasn't in Matt's eyesight anymore.

"Are you okay?" Rossi asks making Matt flinch. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you."

"Its fine. Yeah I am okay."

"You will have to get used to it,we all had to." 

"I know, I just- You know what happened the last time." Matt said.

"And that was not your fault. The kid had just gotten out of prison he was under extreme stress in there and afterwards. That was meant to happen and he can be glad it was with you present." Matt didn't seem to conceived so he went on. "I remember I had known him for a couple years back then and we were at a poker game. I had taken him with me too annoy some of the people there because you really can't win against him and then he went to the bathroom and I was drunk and enjoying myself. I didn't realize he hadn't come back till half an hour later and I went there and the kid was laying on the floor, breathing and having a pulse but on the way there I thought I would open that bathroom door and he would be laying there in his own blood. And we all had this moments but we can't let them take over because then we will only see that when we look at him and miss all the good."


	3. JJ

There is a reason Reid doesn't drive and its well known. Nobody needs him to pass out behind the steering wheel so when she saw him pull up to the precinct in one of the SUV's she got furious. "Are you out of your goddamn mind?" She yells as she opened the door stepping outside.

"What-" 

"Don't play dumb,you know exactly what I mean."

"It was a short drive."

"It doesn't matter." 

"Yes it does."

"No, it doesn't because if you pass out and drive against a tree it won't matter if it should have been a five minute drive or a 2 hour drive." She kept scolding him out of worry. 

"I felt fine,JJ."

"You know how fast that changes."

"JJ-"

"No,don't "JJ" me. Maybe this will stick with you, since the threat of you getting hurt clearly doesn't. What if you would hit someone else? Maybe a kid even. All because you couldn't admit that there are certain things you can't do anymore and it's been some years in which you had time to realize that." 

"What are gonna tell me next? Tell me I should stop being in the field? Become a desk agent? Maybe white collar crimes-" Reid snapped maybe if they weren't so sleep deprived they would argue both a little bit more realistic and not so hurtful.

"Both of you stop." Emily says standing in the door even if she clearly was on JJ's side here. "And you are not getting behind the wheel of another car driven on a case under my watch is that clear?"

"Yes."

"Good now come in, Luke has got something."


	4. Elle

Reid had always shied away from touch but they was the one rare moment after he fainted. They were at the office late at night, Spencer in the kitchen making his coffee when Elle heard the clink of a cup breaking and she looked up to see Reid slumped against the kitchen. She got up and was about to check his puls when Reid woke up again looking up to her with those scared round eyes through his glasses and she set down next to him feeling him placing his head on her shoulder. "I am scared."

"I know." They were supposed to get new test results in the morning. She had visited him in the hospital he was staying at while different tests were being made and he looked so small and scared hooked up to the machines measuring his heart and breathing."But no matter what, you will always have us on your side." Carefully she took his hand in hers and just sat there with him. To this day she never regretted taking that time.


	5. Rossi

"Oh god what happened to your face?" Rossi asks surprised when he saw Spencer in the entrance area of the Headquarters.

"I fell down the stairs to the subway station."

"You what?"

"I was pretty lucky. Awomen caught me halfway through and I woke up before she called an ambulance." He says pressing the button to the elevator. 

"When did that happen?"

"Oh, yesterday evening."

"Have you any other injuries?" Concerned he studies the kids posture. 

"I have a bruise on my side and arm but nothing worryingly."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Rossi dropped the topic until they were standing in they hotel room and Rossi heard something fall in the bathroom before he could hear Spencer hitting the ground. He winced in sympathy while making his way in there. Spencer was laying on the ground,dressed in only his sweatpants. When Rossi turned him on the bag he was surprised by the large purple bruise covering his side and the two covering his arm. He should have known the kid played it down. He waited for Reid to wake up before helping him to bed and handing him a shirt from his go back. 

"You maybe want to get that checked out,kid."

"Its fine. It's just a bruise."

"Sit up straight then." Guilty Reid looks away not following Rossi's orders. "Okay tell you what you get a good night sleep and we will take the morning off and get that checked out by a doctor."

"No."

"Kid, you can't work like this."

"I can."

"It will take maybe half an hour if everything is right and I don't have to worry anymore." Rossi tries to push him.

"Well I am not really trying to initiate more times in clinics if you understand."

"I will be with you and if it is really something that needs to be treated it will take longer when you push it back."

"Just let it go." Reid says finally before adding a quiet. "Please?"

They both let it go until Rossi got a call from Reid when he came home. They landed this afternoon and Rossi started with the paperwork in the office. "Reid?"

"Yes it's me are you busy right now?"

"No. I just came home what's going on?"

"I just made an appointment with my doctor because of the bruising on my side and I have to be there at 8 tomorrow morning. Could you maybe come with me?" He sounded like a scared child asking that.

"Of course. I will pick you up alright?"

"That would be great,thank you. See you tomorrow."

"Sleep well and I am glad you called." The line went dead. Everybody knew Reid hates asking for help. Not only had he do everything on his own for many years and was not used to get help, he now constantly feels like he is already a burden to everyone with his problem. 

"Did you eat?" Rossi asks sceptical eyeing Reid as he climbed into the car.

"No, I wasn't hungry." Knowingly Rossi pointed at the dashboard were a bag with a croissant was placed. "If you eat it now its still warm." 

"Thank you." Spencer had eaten maybe a quarter of it by the time they arrived and took the elevator up to the small clinic. The moment they were greeted by the smell Rossi could see him tense up. 

"You want me to wait here or come with in?" Rossi asks as they were seated in the waiting room.

"Waiting here is fine."

"Good. If you change your mind I will join you."

Spencer didn't spend much time in the room till he came back out and practically fled out of the clinic after telling Rossi he was done. "So all good?" Rossi asks the pacing man in the corridor. 

"Yeah, yeah, just you know, a bruise."

"Well that is good isn't it?"

"Yeah I don't know what's wrong." Sceptical Rossi eyes him. "I don't- I can't breath." Spencer takes a few steps back until he was leaning against the wall. "I am getting lightheaded."

"Sit down for a moment." With a firm hand on his upper arms Rossi guides him to the ground. "Good, it's all good. You got it done,nothing is wrong." Comforting he places a hand on Spencer's cheek who grabbed his arm in response while trying to catch his breath. "You did good. It's over." Spencer nods trying to hold his breath for a moment. "You are doing good, I know this must be hurting especially with the bruise but I need you to take a deep breath." He did what he was told while holding on to Rossis arm. "And now out,kiddo." They waited for him to catch his breath again before Rossi helped him up on his shaking legs, not letting go of his hands. "What do we say we eat a good breakfast at the Restuarant down the street before going into work?"

"Sounds good." Spencer says with a small smile. "Can you take this?" He asks while pulling the recipe for pain medication out of his pockets. "I don't want to take them."

"Of course."


	6. Luke

"I don't feel sorry for you so suck it up that's the third time this happened." Suprised Luke looked up from his file leaving the file room and looking at Spencer sitting on the floor looking confused up to the officer standing above him. 

"What's going on here?" 

"Your guy here fainted like a bitch the third time in the last hour while going over this with me."

"And that's your excuse to yell at him?" Annoyed with the officer Luke scrunched down infront of Spencer who was leaning against a desk. "Do you know were we are?" 

"No. I am so sorry." 

"Its alright take you time." Vaguely Spencer nods looking up to the officer again. "Don't care about him. Look at me." 

"How can he even be a fed?"

"Can you maybe back off for a second?"

"This is my desk."

"Yeah and this is my friend not feeling well so for the last time: back of." Defeated the officer walked away from them mumbling something under his breath. "Do you physically feel okay?"

"I am really tired."

"Did you feel tired before?" Scared he shook his head looking at Luke for some way to help him. "Alright that happens. We know the drill you are all good." 

"I couldn't stay conscious I didn't mean to pass out again."

"I know it's not your fault. Let's get you back to the hotel to sleep a little bit and then I will pick you up in an hour or two again what do you think?"

"Yes,please." When he got back to the precinct and yelled at the officer in front of the whole precinct, showing him his place and making him fear for his life for a few seconds Spencer wouldn't need to know.


	7. Garcia

"Happy Birthday!" With a wide smile Garcia turned around to see Spencer standing in the doorway who looked like everything but a Birthday celebration. She could tell he was crying before but forced himself to gift her a whide smile. In his hand a coffee cup from the office and in the other a chocolate bar with a candle in it.

"Oh you sweet boy." Pretending like she didn't see the hurt look on his face she blew out the candle and pulled him into a hug. "And you made me coffee."

"I did." And he was crying again, a tear rolling down his cheek. 

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Hey non of that. Tell me." 

"I-I went to get you good coffee and cupcakes but-but- I fainted on the way here and the coffee was spread on the sidewalk and-and the cupcakes don't look like cupcakes anymore and I really wanted to suprise you." He says while the tears just kept coming out of his eyes.

"You remembered my birthday and congratulated me that is more than enough."

"You are always so kind and I can't even suprise you with something so simple." He continues while Garcia whips the tears of his face. 

"You did suprise me, you are all good. The thought counts."

"No it doesn't."

"It does. Believe me it does."


	8. Emily

"So what's been bugging you all day?" Emily asks as they walked down the path of a park after leaving the crime scene.

"Probably the cut open body we just saw."

"Oh so now the body's start bugging you before you even know about them?" She asks sarcastically. "C'mon spit it out."

"I really want to go to this concert."

"You and concerts?"

"I don't know. I just heard their record for quite some time now and they are playing next week. I even got tickets but you now,they weren't any seat tickets so-"

"You are afraid you will pass out."

"Pretty much."

"Well which band is it?"

"Wallows. It's probably nothing you have heard before. I didn't, it was actually coincidence I wanted to by a new vinyl and wanted to try something I hadn't heard of and chose theirs."

"Well I haven't but you said you bought tickets so when we get home on time and you want that, I can go with you." 

"Really?" Happily his eyes lit up.

"Really. I am not shying away from a good concert." 

"Thank you." To Emily's suprise she was pulled in into a tight hug.

"You are welcome." 

They were standing in the back of the hall. To their left a wall and not far behind them another one. They were agents after all and Spencer had gave her the most random facts about the band over the last days but the smile he had when he told Rossi were there are going was worth it. She hasn't seen that smile in a long time on him. He was enthusiastic gesturing with his hands and fingers as he spoke and Rossi was immediately infected by it, having a smile on his lips himself. Spencer got through good a half of the concert before stepping closer to Emily who pulls him into a half hug while sliding down at the wall that was prior on her left, pulling him entirely on her lap like a child, his face buried in her neck. The security didn't need long to come over but after a quick explanation and pulling out Spencer's badge from his pocket, they were left alone except one of them standing by close until he woke up incase they needed anything. "You want to stay down for a second?"

"I can't really see from down there."

"Just listen for a few minutes that what this is about anyway." Calming she pushed his head down again, stroking his hair. Her new position as a unit chief didn't give her much time to spend time with him over the last weeks and she misses the way they were before everything happened. Before Paris and before she left again. For a long time she thought she would never gain his trust back but now he was curled into her arms and maybe she told him to stay down a little bit longer than necessary just to feel this close again.


	9. Alex

Alex was suprised when she heard a whimper coming from the couch behind her. Reid was moving in his sleep,grabbing the blanket that she draped over him earlier. The two were in a conference room at a precinct when he fainted and then decided that it would be better if he sleeps for a bit. "Spencer?" Carefully she touches his shoulder. "Spencer wake up." He was shaking when he opened his eyes looking at her before pulling the blanket closer shielding himself from the world. "It's alright, it's just you and me."

"I am sorry."

"For what?" Gently she strokes his back, looking at him with her motherly looking smile. 

"I don't know. I-" He slowly sat up giving her space to sit next to her. "I dreamt that we were in a house. Rossi you and me and he got shot and I- I- I couldn't help him because right before I reached him I fainted and he bleed out while I was laying in his blood. And- And you were taken too so when Hotch arrived he yelled at me for not doing my job and letting you two die." Spencer tells her while she spends him comfort holding his hand. He nervously turns her wedding ring while he tells her that.

"Spencer, this is not going to happen."

"You don't know that."

"I do because your adrenaline would probably not let that happen as far as I heard that never happen before. Secondly would Hotch never yell at you about that."

"You don't know what people do when they grieve."

"Therefore was the first point because you wouldn't let that happen." She says getting up from the couch. "I will go and make you a cup of coffee and then we can talk about what I found while you were asleep."


	10. Luke II

They have been walking for hours on this path searching for a sign of the missing child. Spencer was on Luke's right being awfully quiet since the sun went down. There were surrounded by Agents with dogs and officers using there flashlights while making they way through the forest on their left and right. There was the shouting of the girls name every few minutes but so far nothing. "I am starting to think we read this wrong." JJ and Matt went with the other search group. A third one on the other side of town was with Tara and Rossi while Emily is staying at the precinct coordinating the whole thing. The unsub had given hints that the child could be found alive in the forest. "You okay?"

"Just cold."

"Just cold?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?" He didn't get an answer from the agent shining his flashlight on his side of the path searching for anything that could help them. It took 20 more minutes and Spencer stopped walking. "We are just gonna sit down for a second." 

"Can't pass out now."

"Don't fight in Reid, it's alright, we will catch up."

"No,the- the dark- not safe." He stumbled and it hit Luke the other one was so quiet because of the darkness. "I am scared."

"I am here okay? Nothing can happen to you. I will watch over you." Its not like Reid had a choice anyway. Shortly after Luke said that, his eyes fell shut and to Luke's suprise Reid immediately clinched into Luke's jacket the minute he woke up. "Wow hey, you are okay." He calmed him down before helping him up. The others didn't go far. "Can you keep this up?"

"Yeah."

"Good and stay closer by my side. You know with the dark and everything you never know what happens." 

"Thank you."


	11. Tara

When Reid woke up, he was laying in an alley, were he definitely didn't was before and panicked, pushed himself of the ground, walking shaking to the end of it and realizing he was just dragged around the corner. 

He felt his pockets for his wallet and was suprised to find it with his badge and gun. Just the money was gone. It seemed like someone saw him and took the opportunity and then probably shied away at the sight of the gun. 

Since they was a really low chance they would find this guy and it was only 30 bucks, he continued to walk home. In the morning he was greeted by red scratches over his left cheek bone. 

"What happened to you?" JJ asks as they were seated around the conference table. 

"Nothing." He said embarrassed looking down on the file.

"Did you hit you head?"

"It's just a scratch."

"Like someone pulled you over concrete or something." Tara said earning herself a death glare from him. 

"So someone did." Rossi says.

"I don't know. I woke up in an alley my money was gone the rest was still there." He bits out quietly.

"Did you go to the police?" Emily asks.

"Over 30 bucks? No that's ridiculous."

"Over someone dragging an unconscious man into an alley to steal from him." Rossi comments. 

"30 bucks. He stole 30 bucks. I won't go into debt because of it." 

"Guys let's-" Matt calmed the situation down, seeing the discomfort of Reid. 

When Tara was hovering over Reid later that day after he had passed out on the path walk she wasn't suprised by the reaction, which was him jerking up feeling if anything was still there. "I was here you are all good."

"Good,good, thank you."

"If you want to talk about it-"

"No I am good." Grateful he grabbed her hand letting her pull him up. 

"I haven't said that before but you can call me or come to me if there is anything I can help you with."

"Thank you,I will keep that in mind the next time I wake up in an alley."


	12. Micheal

Happily Micheal climbed up the climbing wall at the park behind Spencer's apartment,while he was standing directly behind him holding his hands only inches away in case he falls. "You are pretty good at this." 

"I practiced!"

"You really did." JJ had bought him over since she and Will have a doctors appointment with Henry. Nothing to worry about just a regularly check up. "C'mon let's try the slide." He helped Micheal the last bit up before running around the Framework and waiting in front of the slide for him as he felt his vision blurry. "I will catch you." 

"Coming." With a giggle the kid slides into his godfathers arms before his knees buckle. 

"I need you to stay here okay? Everything is alright, but you need to stay right here with me okay?" And then he lost concussion, the boy still in his arms,hitting his own head at edge of the slide.

He woke up to Micheal screaming and a women tearing him away from hind, despite his best to hold onto his jacket before losing consciousness again. 

When he woke up again needles to say he panicked. "Micheal?" He didn't recognize were he was. "Micheal?" He tried again before a hand pushed him down again. "No no no, my godson, he was with me,were is he? He was supposed to stay with me. I need to-" He struggled to get up but hands held him down. 

"Spencer he is safe."

"I need to- my godson- Oh God- I need to-"

"Spencer look at me." The person demanded and Spencer looked at the men hovering over him. "There you go, Micheal is with JJ it's okay, nothing happened to him."

"Derek?"

"I am your emergency contact in your phone the hospital called me, he is fine."

"He is fine?"

"He is fine. He is just a little bit shaken but JJ is with him." Relived he falls back into the mattress. 

"Someone took him from me, I really tried to keep him safe."

"And he is. Everything is okay. You hit your head that's why you had problems staying awake." Morgan says trying to comfort him. "How do you feel?"

"Is JJ mad? Oh god she will never let-"

"Stop." Morgan cubbs his face with his hands. "You did your best to keep him safe. She is not mad okay?"

"He could have run away or get hurt." 

"But he didn't." 

"I am so sorry." He sobs, all the panic and confusion washing over him. 

"She knows."

"Can I see him?"

"Give yourself a moment to come down okay?" He nods but doesn't really manage too so Morgan sends them in. Sadly Spencer watches JJ carry her youngest son in before placing him down on the bed. Spencer immediately pulled him into a hug and started crying even more. 

"They just took him. He was screaming and someone took him. I am so sorry."

"He is concussed." Morgan tells JJ quietly who is not entirely surprised by the reaction it self but by how strong it is. 

"He is safe now,Spence." The kid had settled onto his godfathers chest,holding his own blankie Will had dropped off at the hospital. 

"I didn't want them to take him. I tried, I didn't-"

"Well I have him back and until you have your brain function entirely back this is all we need to talk about."

"Can I hold him a little bit longer?"

"Of course." He strokes the child's back till his hand eventually stops and he and Micheal are asleep. "What are we gonna do with him?"

"I will keep an eye on him. Take your son home and don't be so hard on Spencer when he comes back."

"I won't." Morgan knew JJ was struggling between the fact that it really wasn't Spencer's fault and the fact that he could have just stayed inside his apartment with him. "He looks to adorable for that anyway."

"Children have me so wrapped around the finger by now that I agree."


	13. Matt

"Let me-" Matt grabbed Reids upper arm to help him off the floor after he found the man laying on the ground in an old office. "I've got you."

"Thank you but if you don't mind I would actually like to- Can you maybe leave me alone?" He asks shyly.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yeah, I will be fine."

"Then I will be gone before you can blink." Sceptical he leaves Reid alone who immediately slumps back to the ground, leaning his head against the old couch in the room and passing out again. It went on for quite some time,he woke up again, struggled to stay awake, pulling himself up the ground and fainting again,he got through half the room when he begged for Matt to come back. Why did he send him away? He pushed himself up, getting a grip on the doorframe and walked a few steps into the hallway when he saw him again. 

"Matt?" He asked scared before falling back down. The pain is never there the moment he hits the ground he will feel it in his bones later that day. 

Matt meanwhile was no were near Reid,he had gone back to his cubicle and was working when a distraught Spencer came in, shaking violently. JJ got up first, walking towards him. "Sit down Spence." She pulled a chair from a free table sitting him down and Matt got the slight feeling that maybe Reid had lied to him earlier. 

"Matthew- I saw him- in the- in the corridor- he- he didn't stop."

"I did stop,you said you are fine."

"No- no after- why didn't you stop?" It was pretty clear to everyone that Matt hadn't done such thing and Reid had been dreaming while he passed out. 

"I wasn't there, I was down here the whole time."

"I saw you."

"You probably were barely concussion." JJ says having one hand on his shoulder. "He was with us the whole time I promise."


	14. Rossi II

"You haven't touched you food what's going on?" Rossi asked, they just ate all together at the precinct before going separated ways again.

"I just wasn't hungry."

"Just not hungry?" 

"I fell dizzy since this afternoon but I just won't pass out. It's like it's coming over me any minute but it doesn't." Immediately Rossi steps closer. "It drives me- I don't know it's awful." 

"What about getting rest? Sleeping for half an hour or so."

"I can't always take this breaks while everyone else is working."

"Yes you can and you will." Rossi says firmly. 

"I just want this to stop it's like dizziness and nervousness and I just- It feels,it feels impossible to- to ignore just- why doesn't it stop?" In distress Reid grabbs his arm, burying his fingernails in his shirt. "I just- I- I don't- I don't know what to do."

"We try if a break helps and if it doesn't we look for another solution okay?"

"Okay." Rossi drove him to the hotel, making sure he got to sleep and working from the small desk in their room and was not suprised that the man immediately fell asleep. Sadly it wasn't for long. After half an hour he woke up again, sitting up and wanting to go into the bathroom when his knees buckled and Rossi caught him just in time. 

"Don't fight it kid."

" 'M not fighting it." He says leaning exhausted against Rossis chest. "Why won't I pass out? What's wrong?"

"We will just let the dizziness pass okay?"

"Need to throw up." Rossi reacted fast pulling a trashcan that was in his reach over to them before Reid throws up. 

"You are doing good, let it out." I sympathy he strokes the kids back. 

"Everything is moving."

"I am so sorry kid." Reid throws up again, before Rossi gets up grabbing a towel from the bathroom and whipping his mouth. 

"I feel really sick." His hands were grabbing the trash can so his knuckles turned white as he looked up to Rossi like a child looking at his parents with the wish to make everything better. 

"I know bambino. Has this happen before?"  
Before Reid could answered he gagged emptying his stomach a little bit more. "Maybe this is just the flu?"

"I don't get sick."

"Right." Rossi huffs wrapping an arm around the small body and pulling him up before the man could walk back to bed. Needless to say the night wasn't fun for either one of them, Reid was drained of all energy, his brain hallucinating from the fever while Rossi tried his best to keep him calm. Holding a cold washcloth to his forehead, and emptying the trashcan and eventually, in the early morning the kid seemed to finally be asleep, without a fever dream and Rossi got to his own bed trying to sleep. 

He woke up two hours later to Reid whimpering in his sleep but the two hours were peaceful. They seemed to got the worse over with in the morning and he was glad they had because fever dreams with a mind like this who has seen things like he did aren't fun.

"Thank you." Reid mumbles quietly, while Rossi was sitting on a chair,holding a new cold washcloth to his face and sometimes whipping his sweaty arms with it. 

"That's what I am here for."

"No you are not you just keep doing it."

"Lucky you then." Reid huffed, he was laying on his back, his face turned towards Rossi and his eyelids half shut half opened. 

"Were are the blue tall man's?" He mumbles confused for a second.

"We worked out that they were only in your dream remember?" 

"Yeah,right,sorry." He closes his eyes again, falling back to sleep.

Rossi was sure that if there was any way for Reid to never get a fever again, he would take that option.


	15. -

It was a suprise to everyone, they were celebrating Rossis birthday and Reid had gotten drunk. And not by accident,he was taking one shot after another and he never drank so at some point it was just stumbling around before he crashed to the ground immediately trying to get back up.

"Let me help you,Spence." JJ approached him with a smile helping him up again but he pulled his arm back looking at her offended.

"I can do this."

"Of course." She lets go, and they watch him stumble and hit the floor again,no one making a move to catch him. They knew he was landing on his hands and if he decided he was going to get this drunk after nearly everyone had told him not to,it was his fault but he didn't learn and got back up again so Derek stepped in. 

"We are gonna get you home now." He says firmly. 

"No, I am fine, I can stay." 

"You are drunk Reid."

"So what? Can I not get drunk ones in a while too?" He asked while gesturing with his hands to get Morgan to let go but he didn't. 

"Actually no." Morgan says looking him directly into the eyes. "You haven't drank any alcohol in years." 

"So what's wrong with starting it now?"

"If you let me take you home now,nothing." 

"Don't tell me what to do." Spencer tried again to have Morgan let go, causing himself to stumble back and Morgan with him. Morgan could hardly keep him from hitting the ground full force. 

"What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" He pulls his arms again and Morgan did let go looking down at his friend. He had never seen Reid this drunk before and it was concerning. If this had been an accident, if he just wanted to try cocktails and drinks and one thing let to another it would have been understandable somewhere but he tried actively to get drink throughout the evening. "What's wrong with you all babying me, I can drink." 

"Nobody says you can't but not this much." Rossi spoke up.

"Why not cause I am the fucked up drug addict that can't control himself?" Reid spat out shocking a few guests. It was only the team and partners. And Morgan,Savannah and Hotch but still not everybody knew. They watched him get back on his feet one more time. "Is that it? You still don't trust me with myself."

"You know we do." Morgan says calmly. "We are just concerned that's all." 

"I don't need you to be concerned all the time, just stop hoovering over me."

"Then don't do shit like this." Morgan gives back. Spencer stays silence for a moment before grabbing his jacket and heading for the doors of the house to get off Rossi's property.

"Spence stop." JJ calls out following him into the house. "Stop, let me drive you."

"No offence but I just want my peace right now."

"I am sure you will have you peace when you get home but I am not letting you go onto the streets like this." 

"It's not really your decision to make."

"It is." Hotch spoke up also following them inside. "You are not gonna leave this property without one of us."

"Fuck off Hotch." He says turning around again but the man followed him grabbing him harshly. 

"What is going on with you?"

"Why do you care? You left." Spencer says being pressed against the wall. 

"I've never seen you act like this."

"First of you haven't seen me in months so it's not really a value statement and frankly I don't care anymore. Because my life is just one bit being punched in the face and getting up again and if I get the chance to forget about it for one night I won't be scared to take it anymore. Because I am done. I don't care anymore. I don't care if I slam my fucking head into the table if I faint I don't care if my heart stops and I will certainly not care if I get hit by a car while walking home so let me go."


	16. Hotch

It's been three months since the incident at the party and needles to say they weren't going to let it slide. Morgan had dragged him to a therapist a few days after not leaving his side in between and he was going there ever since ones a week. "How was it?"

"Good." Reid said shortly before getting into Hotch car. He had taken a amount of time for Spencer over the last months. 

"Do you feel ready to go back tomorrow?"

"I am not sure."

"You are not?" Suprised Hotch looked at Spencer.

"I haven't seen some of them since that night. Matt and Tara haven't visit and Luke was all weird the two times I saw him."

"I am pretty sure you will settle back in." 

"JJ thinks so too but I am not sure."

"You can just try and if it's not it tomorrow, I will pick you up and you try again at a later point." Insecure Reid nods and Hotch starts the car driving them to Reid's apartment were the older one followed Spencer upstairs and he was glad he did because when they reached the final step, he lost strength and broke down. Confident Hotch grabs him under his arms placing him on the floor and checking his pulse. He waited it out with him and helped him into the apartment to his couch. 

"Thank you."

"You are welcome."

"I also haven't seen Rossi stepping by." Reid says suddenly. "Is he still mad because I ruined his birthday?"

"I don't think he ever was mad." Hotch study's Reid for a moment. To be honest he didn't get why Rossi was not stepping by. He avoides it like a plague always saying he would do it the next day or next week always finding excuses. "You will be okay?"

"Yeah, I will just read a little bit and you know take the subway tomorrow and just- just try to adjust into my old routine again."

"You will do amazing and if not you call me or Derek and we try again sometime else okay?"

"Yeah, thank you Hotch." Hotch didn't drive home,he drove to his old workspace walking up to Rossi's office. 

"Didn't expect to see you here." The older man says looking up from his paperwork.

"Why haven't you been at Spencer's?" He blurs out.

"I just haven't had time yet and he comes back tomorrow so- What's the need?"

"The need is that he's been asking for you."

"Then he should have called." Rossis says. 

"What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing-"

"The kid lost it so bad he got drunk at my birthday. In my house. He doesn't even take painkillers because he is afraid he will somehow get addicted but somehow I let him get so bad that he thought the only way out of it was to drink till he can't think anymore."

"You were not the only one who didn't see it."

"But it was my birthday and it was my money that paid for the alcohol and it was me that spend the most time with him. It was me who picked him up from the cold bathroom floor in the hotel rooms multiple times. It was me who he trusted and I didn't see it." Rossi talks about his reasons. "I did nothing."

He watched Reid closely when he came back into the office the next day, holding his bag anxiously and chewing on his lip as he walked slowly to his desk and making it all the way without fainting. Sorting it a little bit and then going up to Emily and Rossi sat back down before he heard a soft knock. "Come in."

"Hey."

"Hey." He shot Spencer a genuine smile as the man closed the door. "What happened to your hair?"

"I cut it again." He says going through it with his hands before awkwardly standing there trying multiple times to start speaking before he actually did. "I wanted to say I am sorry for ruining your birthday."

"Its long forgotten." 

"I just wanted you to know that I really mean it I just didn't- I am sorry."

"Doesn't make me love you any less,come here." Rossi stepped around his desk pulling Spencer into a hug. "I am glad you are better."

"Me too. It won't happen again I promise."

"And if it does, you talk to me okay?"

"Yeah I will do that." He kissed Spencer on the cheek before letting go of him completely. 

"Now go catch up with the others." He watched the men walk out of the office and gave himself a moment to breath through the tears forming in his eyes.

If this kid leaves him one day, he wouldn't know what to do but for now he is just glad he has him back by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language so I am sorry if some mistakes make you want to clean your eyes with bleach.
> 
> And yes..I am already writing on a third part. If you have any requests/ideas you can put them in the comments and if I use them I will mention your username in the notes of the chapter that contains your idea. (If you want it otherwise just write it in the comment or write me on tumblr (you can also write me your request there): angelswithcigarettes)


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